Why We Don’t Encourage Our Children to be Realistic

My six year old son wants to master parkour (free-running) to be a movie stunt man. He wants to be a BASE jumper and wing suit flier for Red Bull. He wants to be a pilot that flies into the center of hurricanes to study them and chase tornadoes. He also wants to invent a human-like robot, a space vehicle to explore outside our galaxy and a way to time travel.

My eight year old daughter wants to master violin to perform with Lindsey Sterling and compose music for movie scores. She wants to write, illustrate and sell children’s books and write plays to perform from stage. She wants to explore and shoot films of the abyss, discover mermaids, and swim with dolphins, whales and sea turtles AS a mermaid. She wants to study zoology and marine biology while helping rescue and rehabilitate ocean and land animals around the world, as well as raise dangerous predatory animals from infancy to be her friends.

Neither of my children want to ever be employees. They want to live out their days living their dreams, chasing more dreams, learning, traveling the world and absorbing the beauty and wisdom this life has to offer.

It’s honestly enough to make my brain sore when I think about all the things they want to accomplish on top of all the things I know I still want to accomplish myself, but instead of letting my eyes glaze over and just go through the motions, I’ve given this some serious thought.

Sean and I have two choices.

We can giggle, decide not to take them so seriously, think “That’s cute, but what do they know?…They’re just children,” and then condition and encourage them every day to pursue a more predictable and “secure” path like nursing, teaching, law enforcement, blue-collar government work, a union trade, management, or to compete as a desk jockey in the corporate world.

OR….

We can nurture these dreams and passions in our children and encourage them to focus and pursue them even when the journey is challenging because it’s what they REALLY want to do, not just what they’ve been told they should do to assimilate into our economic society.

Some of their goals seem childish and outright insane, but that is because we have limited thinking. We are only considering what we already know, and not utilizing our imagination. Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited to what we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

We would be foolish to discourage children from trying to accomplish the unachievable. For at one time, no man could imagine a massive bent hunk of metal flying through the air with ease carrying over 100 people, or a flat device that can retrieve any data imaginable at the touch of a finger. The unachievable is only unachievable until someone achieves it. The unbelievable is only unbelievable until someone proves it. It takes but one person to believe that the impossible is indeed possible to begin the process of advancement.

Between the oceans, outer space, and the human mind, we have only explored, discovered and come to understand a fraction of what there is to uncover and learn. Who are we to say what can’t be discovered or created? We only know what we know, and no more. Thinking is what leads to new, original ideas and wisdom.

If we are to take a lesson from the greats and those that have truly lived life to the fullest degree, we would learn that each and every one of them were driven by something called a DREAM. They each had an obsession with an image or an idea they had in their mind and their consistency in action was motivated by this dream. They believed in the dream and just KNEW it was possible.

Albert Einstein was a brilliant mind. He also said, “Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts.” And with some research and observation, we can see this truth, as many of the most valuable and successful people throughout history cared little of what was already “known” because they were visionaries. They concerned themselves with what could be, not what was. They sought to change the status quo, and they did.

New York Times best selling leadership author, CEO and speaker, Chris Brady, writes about these type of people in his book Rascal: Making A Difference By Becoming An Original Character. In the introduction, he gives an overview of what a Rascal is:

Yes, my kids have some wild ideas and massive, unrealistic goals. Sometimes it makes raising and living with them frustrating as there are lots of messes, testing of my own judgment and questions I don’t know how to answer that send me on a wild goose chase. Sometimes it means other people are going to judge me and Sean as parents and laugh at our kids like they’re joking. Many will not understand. I’d say my kids are right on course for becoming a couple of a Rascals.

That’s something I can be proud of.

Breaking the Cycle of Dysfunction and Mediocrity

It’s really tough on me emotionally when I see parents making certain choices that are hurting their kids a lot in the long run and have to bite my tongue because I know I will be told I am a judgmental know-it-all.

Truth is, I just care about people. I care about the children AND the parents who will one day have to watch their children needlessly struggle because of their parenting. I figure any parent would want to be corrected on their ignorance to avoid that, because I would, but it’s simply not the case.

I am no perfect parent and I recognize that I, too, do things out of habit and probably some things out of ignorance that are negatively effecting my children in some way, and it is for this sole reason that I am always questioning what I do and actively improving myself.

If there is a better way, I want to know it. I would want someone to take me to the side and lovingly share with me their view and the evidence to support it. I welcome different ideas because you don’t know if something will work for your child until you try it.

I don’t want to be so prideful that I am unwilling to listen and heed advice given to me that could radically change my child’s future for the better.

No one likes to be made to feel that they’re doing things wrong (especially in relationships), including me, so that’s why I make a point to read, research, listen to differing viewpoints, weigh the evidence, question everything I do and be critical of my own intentions. I aim to correct myself before anyone else has the chance to, and I want to know that if one day when my kids are grown I recognize that something I did caused them to carry baggage, it won’t be out of laziness or because I cared more about my ego than them.

Dear parent, please understand that a happy, healthy, successful future is not guaranteed for your children. Don’t assume that these things will just work themselves out. They don’t just happen. Your child’s future is in your hands.

A foundation must be laid that can support happiness, health and success, and you’re the one laying the foundation. If it’s a faulty foundation, a strong, dependable structure cannot be built on it. Cracks, crumbling, and potential collapse is imminent. No matter what is built on a faulty foundation, it will not last long. Your grown child will have to go back to ground level and lay a new foundation.

This is no easy task, and few will go through the struggle to accomplish it, even if they recognize that it needs to be done. Most will be so bitter and discouraged by the task at hand that should have been accomplished by their parents, that they will give up before they even try, and they will settle for a life that is less than they know they deserve.

They won’t be able to bear the responsibility of such a decision, so they will live in denial. Some will claim they are content when they really want more, while others will point the finger in any other direction to place blame for their life not being what they desire. Some will learn to be comfortable in mediocrity, sweep dysfunction under the rug, and will never come to recognize that they could’ve done better for themselves. In their mind, life doesn’t even have the potential to be any better than their circumstances.

Eventually they will breed a new generation of children, and unless the cycle is broken, their children will meet a similar fate.

Let’s support and encourage each other, and break the cycle. It’s starts with a simple choice. There’s no better time than the present.